Sunday, July 24, 2011

He Wants A Divorce...Is He Kidding?

I received a call from a 42-year-old woman who heard me on the radio. She was practically out of breath, saying her husband walked in the door one day and told her he doesn't want to be married anymore.

I met with her the following day and talked about her 22-year marriage, her three children and what might have happened to cause him to feel this way. She said there were no signs, and they seemed to get along very well. They would take three big family vacations a year, owned two homes, and lived life to the fullest. When I asked her if she thinks he's having an affair, she said "definitely not!" I then asked her if he was going through a mid-life crisis. She said she didn't think so. We talked about their sex life, how often they spent alone time together and did he travel a lot on business. She told me he travels two weeks out of every month. She said they had sex twice a week, and when they go out it's usually with friends. She asked me to help her get through this devastating time. I offered to coach her and she accepted.

The next day we met again and she conveyed to me that she and her husband met in college and that he was her first love. She's never been with another man and was petrified to go out into the dating world. I noticed how insecure she was on the inside and that it would take time to get her self-esteem back. I assured her that she would be dating again, but it might take some time to feel comfortable with the process. I could see how distraught she was and that it would take time to get back her self-esteem. A lot of women blame themselves with a failed marriage.

A month later she told me she found out her husband was having an affair with a younger woman. She was so angry and humiliated, but after doing all of the exercises I gave her, she said she was finally ready to meet someone. I told her to go out on dates with different people. Don't expect to get serious with the first person who comes along. This is your time to have fun, be adventurous, and feel like a kid again.

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